Kindness

Friends,

Much of our moral lexicon is filled with strong directives: "thou shalt or shalt not,” laws; rules; and various forms of warnings. But my favorite moral injunction is actually the softest: kindness.. Kindness is defined as "a type of moral behavior marked by acts of generosity, consideration, or concern for others, without expecting praise or reward in return.” You can almost feel the warmth and softness when you read this. The Dalai Lama (and perhaps others) claim that “kindness is their religion.” I suppose it is naive or unrealistic to believe it is possible for a whole culture to make kindness to others as a devotion, or a daily religious practice like worship. Yet I have experienced something like a culture of kindness when I spent a summer in 1966 living in a Tibetan refugee camp in the hill country of northern India. 

I was on a teaching assignment at a college on the Gangetic plain where the summers were especially hot, and I had the opportunity to live and work in one of the first Tibetan refugee settlements that was founded after the Dalai Lama fled from Chinese oppression in 1959. My role was to tend about twenty young children from seven to eleven years old. I did some classroom teaching of mostly elementary math in a classroom where benches served as desks, and the Tibetan children were surprisingly quick and able learners. I also coached a basketball team of young apprentice lamas, the most playful yet serious of all sportsmen!  

Most of the time, however, the children and I played games together. Children came and went from my group of charges as they arrived in the refugee community or moved on to a more stable school situation. One day a new little boy was introduced into our active game of “duck, duck goose” who was quite crippled. My first impression was whether the little boy would fit into our active group. But what happened was the children spontaneously as a whole group broke from the game to welcome their new playmate and include him in the game. I was so touched by the kindness of the group response. The children obviously had been raised in a culture of kindness. Part of that enculturation was as refugees who simply had to support one another. And part was the Buddhist teaching that included empathetic concern for others. Whatever the reason for the kindness I realized it is possible for people to live this way, and I have aspired to it ever since. 

I, of course, thought of my own culture with its competitiveness and self-centeredness that makes kindness all the more difficult yet also especially appreciated when kindness is received or given. These past two years, for example, I have experienced a good deal of medical care from hospitals and various clinics. I can say, with very few exceptions, staff and fellow patients have been kind and empathetic to me and others even in the context of considerable stress. So I know that a culture of kindness also gratefully also abides in and around me, and I try to pass it on.

I probably need to add that there are undoubtedly greedy and unkind Tibetans, just as there are in any community, and the prevalence of cruelty in world wide governmental is a moral trauma. But the antidote to all forms of meanness, local or global, where possible, is some expression kindness. The jujitsu of nonviolence is to try to undermine harm with expressions of honest empathy and personal connection. Kindness can become a healing habit for both the recipient and for ourselves.

Unfortunately there are challenging limits to converting cruelty and harm. I am heart broken over the long struggle the nonviolent Tibetans have had in receiving an acknowledgment of respect and acceptance of Tibetan political autonomy and their practice of Tibetan religion. And our country is in a mighty struggle now with an immorality of autocractic and cruel treatment of innocents that is the near opposite of kindness. 

But the practice of reverent, patient kindness is ultimately the salvation of the planet and each of us personally. We know a culture of kindness is possible. And we know each of us can make kindness a worshipful daily practice to establish the foundation for the revolution we need.

Peace,
Tom