Resignation

Friends,

I have been fascinated recently with the word "resignation". In general it has a negative, passive connotation of “giving up” or the “acceptance of something undesirable or inevitable.” But there is an alternative, more active and positive connotation. We can also understand resignation as the ability to “step back, or step down” from our current work, societal or family roles, or changes in our personal lives. The key to a successful resignation is to accept any diminishment and create sources of new experiences with grace and confidence. Yes, easier said than done, for sure, but also true.

Perhaps the most significant part of aging is accepting and resigning oneself to the limitations of body and mind that, by default, means we cannot do as many things as quickly or well, or not at all, that were simply part of daily life in our earlier days. So I am constantly testing and adapting my ability to continue to assess and develop functional and meaningful routines and engagements appropriate to my capacities in my life as long as I can, while I also adapt to new ways of thinking and being to replace what has been diminished or lost. I have come to admire, and be inspired by, how so many of my elderly friends continue to be committed to service and feeding their curiosity and excitement about the new freedoms and challenges of being old. These friends are wise enough to truly appreciate and continue the incredible lives they have lived during the last fifty or sixty years. And to the degree possible, that is also my goal. 

But the aging process can be tedious and exhausting if we continue to think we are still able to do all we would like to do. So resignation to our limits is necessary for our ongoing health and well being. And I have actually appreciated and enjoyed the reality that I don’t have to “produce” to still feel quite satisfied with my life. I also enjoy, of course, any active engagement in public discussions around the familiar topics of Quakerism, criminal justice and nonviolence, for example, when I am  asked and able to offer input from my experience and training.

And I have been increasingly aware another important part of resignation - that “stepping back” allows new leadership to evolve. I was so pleased, for example, when a younger person assumed the leadership of a committee where I had served for some time and brought so much new energy and ideas. Yes, I may mumble, the new generation may not have my experience, but then part of my responsibility now becomes the opportunity to mentor and encourage those who follow. Of course I may also worry about whether all I have worked to help create might be lost, but the reality is that I need to trust that the ideas and programs I have initiated and promoted will now be transformed to meet the contemporary challenges for the next era of leadership.

Any resignation from one era of our lives is ultimately only a transition from our past experience into lives of new opportunities and challenges that will evolve as we move on. Although I can no longer actively play sports with my grandchildren, for example, I now have more occasions for quiet grandparental conversations and sharing pictures from my past as well as listening with true curiosity to how the young are experiencing their lives that are often so unfamiliar to me. 

Mentoring and eldering are welcome ways to continue the roles from which I have resigned. And I sincerely believe if we have successfully engaged in our lives so far, we will continue to feel fulfilled as we continue to discover wiser, perhaps more patient and tender selves we were ultimately meant to be.

Blessings and peace,

Tom